This morning I was triggered.
My husband made a comment insinuating that I don't have a full plate. And I hate that. He knows that it is one of the quickest ways to get a reaction out of me. Always a joke, but a trigger nonetheless.
So I let him have it. Reiterating everything that I do, but emphasizing all of the things he doesn't. Not stopping for a moment to thank him for what he does. And that triggered him.
But instead of lashing out, he gave me grace. He hung up the phone. Sent me a text and asked me to take a moment to show him some appreciation for the things he does do because I've been on him a lot lately. And that spoke louder than any argument he could have returned to me.
I started typing. Trying to justify myself. Only to be caught in a moment of deep reflection. I tell myself to "give it to God" often, and it was like he himself told me to stop. Because in this moment, I was wrong. Blake had genuinely done so much for me. Specifically in the last week, and I gave him no credit. So, I swallowed my pride. Deleted the message. And apologized.
Then I opened my Facebook and my heart broke. My timeline full of photos of Christ on the cross. Today symbolizing a sacrifice that none of us ourselves would be willing to make. Hours of pain that none of us would be willing to bare. And for a stranger. For people who hated him. People he had never met. He didn’t fight back. He didn’t respond in anger. He endured the pain and suffering for our benefit. And I over here had the audacity to complain about my dirty house.
And then another post followed.
My house is always dirty. Full of fingerprints and piles of clothes that don't end. Toys consume every room in my home, and I'm constantly tripping over something. But at least I have the home. We are blessed with the finances available to purchase the things we want. And we are blessed with 3 kids, while some struggle to have 1, if any at all.
We are human. We are going to fall short. We're going to act impulsively. And we're all going to let frustrations respond for us from time to time. We are entitled to our emotions, but we will never be in a position in your lives that doesn't require some reflection. And in my case today, some accountability.
We are not perfect. We will spend the rest of our lives battling many different things. But in doing so, never forget to recognize where you stand in the situation. Did you do anything to help or prevent it? Or did you merely take pity in yourself and allow chaos to unfold?
You are entitled to your emotions, but never allow your words to become weapons and always hold yourself accountable in your wrongdoings no matter how big or little they may be. Pray for the answers to the tougher battles you face. And always give it to God. He didn't help me plead my case today.
He humbled me.
